From how things were going at the beginning of the week to how they are now, it's like a whole different family lives here! I haven't been on my prozac for a month or so and it's been so hellish. I have been on this medication for years and thought, after forgetting to take it for a week or so, why not see what it's like off it? Oh my god, not good!! I am such a bitch without my meds, I yell and get crabby and, therefore, Ingrid is in a bad mood and upset and Brendan gets that way as soon as he comes home to a houseful of stress. Aaaahhh! The other day I finally broke down and wanted out of my life. I just wanted to not be a mom, and certainly not a mom of two. I wanted to be able to SLEEP and take a break and watch non cartoons on TV. I started to cry and then suddenly it hit me--honey, your depression is coming back with a vengence. Take your stupid pills!
Two days later and here we are, happy as can be. Ingrid and I had a lovely day today. We went to Trader Joe's and they have these little kid sized shopping carts that Ingrid just loves. We did a lot of block tower building and coloring and reading books. We played outside after lunch in the amazing cool windy weather. Ingrid's obsessed with the rocks in our driveway lately, she will sit for an hour just looking at each one, putting it in her little wagon, and then going on to find another perfect one.
We had a gift certificate to a local brewery so we went to dinner. Ingrid was a model child, coloring quietly at the table and eating her veggie soup. Brendan and I got to have a conversation and it was just so pleasant and I realized how awful the past few weeks have felt.
Another thing that helps in the calm is putting Ingrid back in diapers part time. For two weeks she boycotted the toilet so I was changing her clothes and mopping up pee at least five times a day. Not fun. And the horrible thing is even though I KNOW you're not supposed to yell or make a big deal of it, after the third or fourth time a day, after days of this happening, I would yell. Why didn't you tell me? Why won't you go on the potty? And then I heard myself and stopped and read up online about setbacks and how common they are and how you just have to let them have their time and they'll get around to it. So back in diapers she went, but she now will tell me when she has to go. And I haven't had to worry about pee on the couch or rug for two days! I see a major change in her attitude already, so here's hoping she'll get back on the potty train soon.